The Sadness of Wonderful News

If you know me well, you know my big news. However, there are a few people I would love to tell, but I just can't. Not now anyway. The two people in my life who used to be the closest to me, are no longer very close at all. It's so weird how that happens. Life happens and people change. I got married and moved - not far, but far enough I guess. People have stopped communicating. Too much effort I guess. I'm tired of it always being my responsibility to keep us connected. So, I'm giving up. They will find out my news eventually. It's a very happy kind of news, but I'm saddened by the fact that I've lost these friends. Once they were so close, I'd talk to them face to face everyday. Now, hardly an email every few months - or even less. Always initiated by me, never them. And when I do email - or, when I did, I'd feel like a nuisance.

I shouldn't be sad. I'm very blessed. I have a wonderful husband, a wonderful family on both sides, great friends, both old and new, a great job, a wonderful Heavenly Father who loves me very much, and of course, this wonderful news. But, I am sad. I can't shake it. Sometimes I want it to be the way it used to be with these old friends, but I know it never can be. It almost feels like a death. They are still there, doing their thing, but there is something between us. Something unspoken. Something insurmountable. Something I can't, or maybe just won't, fight any longer.

They'll find out, but probably not from me. Will they realize why I couldn't tell them? I don't know. Will they be mad? Doesn't matter. And, it won't change.

I have some friends who knew before I even told them. That's what I wish it was like with these two old friends. But, they have no idea I'm sure. Even when they find out, they won't be sharing in my joy like some will. Not because they begrudge me, but because they just- aren't close - anymore.